Appleton, WI

I’ve been reflecting a lot about self talk. How we view ourselves and how we speak to ourselves has immense impact in how we approach our life in both our ambitions and relationships with God, ourselves and other people. When we read the Bible, we can see that God truly loves us, finds us very valuable, and has many things to say about His love and affection for us.

Here are a couple verses in the Bible that speak to what God thinks about us:

• Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
• Workmanship/ Masterpiece in His eyes (Ephesians 2:10)
• The apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8)
• Holy, blameless, and without blemish (Colossians 1:22)
• Created in His likeness and image (Genesis 1:27)
• God is has many thoughts concerning us (Psalm 139:17-18)

I’ve found in my own life that although I know these truths knowledge wise, I have found thinking about myself like God thinks about me is a very challenging endeavor. I’ve discovered I often have toxic thought patterns of self-condemnation and no compassion when it comes to myself. Condemnation and guilt become more normal than grace and mercy. And I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

How many of us can say that it comes naturally to look at ourselves in the mirror and say positive things about ourselves? How many of us can say we like ourselves? Many people deep down don’t even like themselves, let alone love themselves like God does (more on this later, not referring self centered love). Many of us have a deep hatred of ourselves (which can be at a subconscious level). The way we look, the way we dress, speak, or even the our hobbies can be ridiculed by our inner dialogue. The Bible says we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. But if we are honest, have you ever evaluated yourself and thought “What’s so wonderful about me?”

I might be crazy and be the only one who thinks this way, but I guarantee I’m not. In this season, I have realized that I not only have a toxic relationship with myself, but that I am actively treating myself in ways that Jesus never would. I can be my worst enemy when it comes to my walk with God and my own self. I love this quote that pastor Dan Mohler says regarding ourselves:

“The day God delivers me from me is the day that I realize I’ve been delivered from my greatest enemy” – Dan Mohler

When we think about what makes us flourish when it comes to the Kingdom of God and us, it really boils down to love. All of us are wanting love and acceptance, and we will find some really toxic ways of finding it apart from the true source, God. If we don’t learn how to receive God’s love, then we can’t properly love ourselves and others. If we don’t learn to internalize God’s love toward ourselves and receive it, then we won’t do very well at loving others around us.

The Bible says,

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’³¹ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31 NIV

The term “self love” isn’t really what we should think about when we talk about loving ourselves. Self love in our culture nowadays is all about self obsession and self exaltation. Of course we all inherently are selfish and self centered in nature, but when it comes to biblical love and the definition that the Bible gives us for true love, are we truly loving ourselves the way Jesus does?We definitely hit the mark when it comes to selfish tendencies and obsession, but have we evaluated our relationship with ourselves from a biblical perspective in terms of love? Do we treat our selves with as much grace as we do with others? Are we kind with ourselves like Jesus is kind to us? Does our thought life reflect how Jesus would respond to us in our weakest moments or the darkest sins we just have committed?

The Bible says this about love:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

This is the definition of love. Loving God looks like this. Loving ourselves looks like this. Loving people lines up with this definition. Since the Word says we are to “love others as ourself”, it’s important that we evaluate our relationship to ourselves. No matter who you are, you have a relationship with yourself both in the way you act, think and treat yourself. And when we love ourselves by receiving God’s love and choosing to accept that love, it doesn’t equate to self obsession, but rather the love naturally flows out to others.

Here’s some questions to ponder that I’ve been walking thru even with myself:

• When I sin, am I merciful to myself like God is to me?
• Do I extend grace to myself, the way I would to others?
• If God had no problem forgiving me, do I struggle forgiving myself?
• Am I kind and patient with myself despite my imperfections or am I resentful and condemning to myself?
• Do I believe what God says about me?
• If my relationship with myself was portrayed on a screen, what would Jesus’s response be? How would my friends and family react?

I’ve learned that if I am not biblically accepting myself in Christ and finding my worth in what God says about me and changing the way I view and treat myself, my relationships with others is affected. If I condemn myself, I will look to condemn others. If I’m hard on myself, I will naturally be hard on other people. If I judge myself, it’s quite easy to judge everyone around me just to take the pressure off.

On a final note, when you look at the apostle John, the reason that he was so different than the other apostles was because he knew he was “the one that Jesus loved” (John 21:24). John was probably the closest to Jesus’s side than any of the other disciples. He was the only disciple who was at the cross. All the other disciples were scared and hiding for their own lives. The amazing thing is that Jesus even entrusted his mother to John at the time of this death. Why was John so different? It was because he learned to see himself the way Jesus did. He knew how much he was loved. He saw himself and found himself in the eyes of Christ. We can have confidence in biblically loving ourselves by finding ourselves in Christ! The Holy Spirit showed me that when we love and see ourselves properly, Jesus is able to entrust us with the important things of his heart. He entrusted his own mother to John! This was because John was fully persuaded that he was deeply loved by a merciful God and John knew who he was! John saw himself rightly and had no problem declaring the truth. Peter almost made it where John was, but his mistakes (denial of Christ) made it difficult for him not to feel shame and guilt when it came to staying near the cross (at least before the book of Acts).

It’s not pride to say what God is saying about us. It’s actually pride to resist his unconditional love and identity that He speaks over us. God says we’re worth loving. He declares us valuable. We should reevaluate how we treat ourselves based on His love.

I pray you are kinder to yourself and more loving to yourself this week. God isn’t harsh on us like we are on ourselves. Maybe it’s time to learn to treat ourselves with as much mercy, grace and love as Jesus does.

Thanks for reading my first blog post 🙂 Hope it encouraged you in some shape or form!